Last week I was very excited. I made sure my sons ate satisfying meal, both of their suites were very neat, my spouse looked sharp, and I also dressed up neatly. My mind filled with joy as my son got on to the stage to get his honor roll award. I realized my son is completed with middle school and moving to high school. By god grace he is placed into a very good high school already. I was experiencing almost every mother’s proud moments.
However, instead of becoming proud about my son’s achievement my eyes filled with tear and heart became aching with pain. I began to picture one day if fate allows I will be watching his college graduation. Is this graduation, fun or tough times, proud moments define my son? A big question crippled to my mind, “Are you a good mother?”
After tons of thinking and filtering, my mind found an answer. You will be a good mother when you see your child living “Happily ever after”.
You know exactly what I meant. Down the road my son might also find a perfect partner, dream a lot to become her soul mate, and dream a “Happily ever after life”.
I realized a mother’s main responsibility is to prepare our kids for that phase of life. If a mother failed to teach their kids on this objective, I believe she completely fails in her mother role.
Now, how can a person be happy? Is it based on honor roll award, fun time, great school, best college or higher grade? As a mother, it is our responsibility to make our kids realize above items are blessings in our life. Our qualifications and success don’t mean anything if we let it all fell. As mother, we need to build a solid foundation for them from these blessings.
I personally think a kid will be happy throughout their life span if we build a solid foundation in their childhood. We need to teach our kids basic steps such as becoming a best friend of their own, the ability to live in any circumstances, provide them opportunity to experience the joy when they share their blessings with people who is unfortunate, and their dreams should not be shatter if it is not necessary.
I remember one time I saw a homeless person while waiting for a green light. My younger son was 5-year-old seated in the back seat. Suddenly the homeless person came to our car and ask for change. I had only kids meal with orange juice and I never had habit of giving them money. So, I just handed the kids meal with orange juice to him. The homeless person blessed us a lot as I promised my son I will buy another one for him. Then we had a conversation about homeless people and how they suffer etc. My son was happy when I bought him the kids meal later. However, from next day when he rides with me I noticed a change in him. He always carried snacks with him in the car. To satisfy my question he said, “I am keeping it for the homeless person in case if he comes we can give it to him.” We never saw homeless person after that gradually he forgot about the snacks and life moves on.
Last year my son came to my work in downtown building. During lunch time as I promised, I took him for the lunch and we were walking through the tunnel. He saw a homeless person standing in the tunnel. That person was just standing never asked for anything but cloth in front of him. My son’s heart melt because he saw one of his eyes was red color. Without even asking me he approached the homeless person and promised him, “wait here we will bring the food for you.” He turned around and told me, “ momma, we have the toast right I can eat that…buy my lunch for him”. I was so happy to hear that from a ten-year-old. I thought he might forgot about the homeless and ordered two sandwiches. Suddenly he asked me innocently, “momma so you do not want a sandwich”. He placed smile on my face. I told my son we can order two sandwiches if he is still there we can give one to him. I was thinking he might not wait for us. We came back and that person was still there. My son gives him the sandwich. Have you ever seen a person’s eyes shining? I saw that on that day in that homeless person’s eyes and my son’s eyes. It was my joy that I never forget in my life time. Even though my motherhood kicked in and I taught my son a different lesson “how to handle a stranger”, I knew he mastered basics of human quality.
When my son did that, I knew he already learned the loneliness and hardship of a homeless person, the pain of hunger, the joy of sharing, most of all he automatically learned to love himself because he learned somebody in this world always need his love, caring and attention, and kept his dream without even asking for my permission by finding his own solution.
Even though we send our kids to a best school, college, or best job in this world, if a person does not have these basic characters he or she is still an animal with high IQ.
So, teaching and creating a solid foundation to our children’s life make you a good mother? I strongly believe a mother should realize that their kids go through distinct phases through their life. Turn back to your life if you are having tough time to believe it. “baby, kid, child, teen, youth, lover, spouse, mother life moves on”
What can we do to help them through their life? I think while you try hard to build a durable foundation in your child’s life you should also open a fixed deposit and fill it up with love. The beauty of opening a fixed deposit with our children is you have peace of mind even if they found their soul mate because your fixed deposit still grows steady no matter what they found.
When your kid gets married, it is time for you to open a checking account. Make sure you are watching it very carefully as many times as you can. Try to balance your checking account with love by becoming a good friend of your child’s spouse without criticize them. Again, both account should be filled with love because real love teaches us to forgive and forget and protect us from doing foolishness and gradually teach us to love unconditionally.
When you reach this level, and become good checking account keeper you are in the right path for a successful mother hood. It is important for you to realize that mother hood is evolving process until we reach our death bed. So, do not forget to enjoy each moment.
Sabina Verghese, a wife and mother of 2 kids, currently works in Houston as a
Systems Consultant in the Information Technology Department.
